Short Advice on Thriving

back when time stood still, and every problem felt permanent, aka in primary school, I really struggled with math.

having a mom that excelled at physics and biochemistry certainly added to the feeling of incompetence I had already dutifully developed.

and out of the hundred theorems she’d end up explaining throughout my scholastic career, only one would eventually permeate through my very thick skull:

“you’re doing this for yourself”

this was her answer for e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. and it drove me insane,
particularly because I knew she was right.

and although I don’t get 5 when I put 2 and 2 together anymore, this one course I absolutely excel at to this day:

the “I’m doing this for me” course.

the running, the hiking, the writing, the reading, the working, the socializing – it is all for me.

and I don’t mean this in a “self-care, is not self-ish.” kind of way,
(although that’s a fair lesson to take in as well)

I mean this in a “everything you do is in service to your future self” kind of way.

“you are the result of the things you do regularly” kind of way.

“you are the fruit of the thoughts you plant” kind of way.

and yes, it includes the things you do out of empathy and genuine love for someone else.

“if it makes happy wife noises, then I’m happy” kind of way.

mind you, this is not a debate on whether psychological egoism is real, if everything we do is inherently selfish and whether true acts of altruism exist.

I’ll leave that debate to the philosophers.

tomorrow morning, when the bed is calling and you really don’t feel like waking up at 7AM to exercise, remember you’re not doing this for anyone else, but you,
and that nobody else but you can actually do it.

every act you take and thought you construct is an investment.
invest willingly.
invest wisely.
invest regularly.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

today is day 256 of the year, there are 109 days remaining of 2022.

I’ve never disappointed more people than I have by answering this question:
“how do you find the time to do all of this?”

(and that’s with stiff competition mind you, I’m gay, my sole existence disappoints a lot of people, most of whom I don’t even know #irony)

the answer to how I have the time is… discipline.

I’m sorry I can’t romanticize or sugar coat it, I suppose as a marketer, I could probably try to, but even I’m not able to make discipline look sexy.

I have the Ciucaș X3 Race this weekend, the Vietnam Jungle (half) Marathon and Fansipan Mountain Hike coming up next month, the Phu Quoc (team) Ironman in November, and maybe the Cambodian Angwor Wat Half Marathon in December.

(I promise running is not my only personality trait, I just do a lot of running tourism)

the only way for me to support these extracurricular activities is through, say it with me, discipline.

running through rice fields and bamboo forests sure sounds incredible, but the path between me deciding I want to do the thing, and me actually waiting in front of that start line is hella long.

translation, transportation, accommodation,
back and forth emails, visa, registration,
more translation, more transportation, more accommodation,
scheduling, working and finally, physical training.

why put myself through all of this?
because it’s fun 🙂

for whatever reason we seem to believe that discipline and fun can’t coexist,
we believe that, for something to be fun, it must come easy, or natural. I disagree.

you could have so much fun doing things you haven’t even tried yet, out of a misplaced animosity towards discipline.

“I couldn’t do what you do.”
I couldn’t do what I do either, not haphazardly.

but I set aside time each day to build my life,
I’m seeking and running at the same time.
much like yourself, I have different interests pulling me in different directions,
and realistically I know that the only way for me to balance my own needs and my personal and professional responsibilities, is through discipline.

that is how I optimize my energy levels,
that is how I find make the time,
that is how I feel whole.

how do you find the time?

I’ll see you tomorrow.

today is day 251 of the year, there are 114 days remaining of 2022

you know that pause in between asking someone a thoughtful question, and them processing it?

that moment when they’re deeply lost in thought, browsing their options, and you’re sat there eager to hear their answer?

there’s no pause here.

the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and carry on doing, is running.

coincidently, this is typically my only answer to any such questions.

“best thing I’ve ever done?”
running.
“most dangerous thing I’ve ever done?”
running.
“easiest way to make friends and influence people?”
running.

there are a couple reasons to do it,
and a million not to.

I run far past any reasonable utility.

directly, the only way running is ever going to help me in life, is if at some point, someone tries to rob me by chasing me for 10 kilometers at a moderate pace.

indirectly, it’s done more for me than any books, courses and jobs ever did.

the joy of cramps, blisters and sweat.
the pain of finishing.

but such things have little to do with words,
maybe that’s why I’m so drawn to it.

running for me is nostalgia,
nostalgia for a time in which “hard work” was rewarded and taking shortcuts was not an option.

influencers can’t fake it, the rich can’t buy it and haters can’t diminish it.

you either spend the time and work to get good at it, or you don’t.

just like writing,
maybe that’s why I’m so drawn to it.

I love running.
I hate running.
I love running.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

today is day 249 of the year, there are 116 days remaining of 2022.

if you were to gain 1kg just by eating fast food once,
would you still eat it?

what if you were to lose 1kg every time you went to the gym,
how often would you go?

I wrote about small choices, instant gratification and consistency before

if you bring these ingredients together and add the super secret sauce I’m about to share with you,
you’re looking at the perfect recipe to achieving anything.

full disclosure, I stole borrowed this recipe from Darren Hardy (he probably has it from his grandma) and it goes like this…

small smart choices + consistency + time = radical difference

sounds delicious, doesn’t it?

the super secret sauce, as you can probably tell, is thyme time,
I know it’s an acquired taste and not a lot of us know how to work with it,
but once you do – game changer.

I’m being facetious in my wording, clearly, for good reason,
us humans are horrible at putting time in perspective.

“nobody intends to become obese, go for bankruptcy or get a divorce but often, if not always, those consequences are the result of a series of small poor choices”

while great displays of Herculean effort make for a good story,
you’re better off reading a different cookbook.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

today is day 245 of the year, there are 120 days remaining of 2022.

even if the only traveling you do is between your house door and your office door,
no two days are the same.

there is a cyclical nature to life that both man and nature abide by:
astronomical cycles,
climate and agricultural cycles,
economic, spiritual and hormonal cycles.

animals migrate, children don’t grow up in one day and winters don’t turn into summers overnight (well…)

these cycles were written on the Earth in her career as a man-bearing planet,
and she’s a great storyteller.

biologist and geologist Louis Agassiz has a beautiful quote on this: “The crust of our earth is a great cemetery where the rocks are the tombstones on which the buried dead have written their own epitaphs.”

it’s the natural law and order of the universe,
it has no beginning and end, just cycles.

ironically, when looking back, we tend to see history – ours and that of the world’s – through a very straight line,
ancient age, medieval age, modern age, and you.

why are we shook when our internal or external order is disrupted? why do we fail to accept it?

so much friction and mental drag,
so much energy is wasted in trying to fight a turning.

why you?
why not you?
why not now?

this isn’t an argument in favor of laying limp in life’s way as it goes through its flows, much to the contrary.

it’s an invitation to work with it, and make an effort to understand your own unique cycle.

go with the flow, as the instagram quote says.

animals understand this well,
from the bear that hibernates in winter,
and the young squirrel that’s never met the cold season but instinctively knows to store away food,
we too have our cycles.

and as hard as we try to hack our way through biology and supplement our way through achievements,
the mind cannot always win over matter, sometimes the mind is asked to do too much, and it quickly shows itself to be matter as well.

regardless of your current position in your circle of life, whether you’re winning or losing, shrinking or growing, moving or resting,
know that everything is transitory and not a statement about your worth as a human being.

every day is a new beginning for all,
who knows, this could be a turn in your cycle of opportunity,
but only if you let it.

don’t let yesterday be a repetition of today.

side note: here’s an in-house example on how I’ve come to approach cycles.
I used to run, and then I didn’t, and now I run again. I fell into running as naturally as I fell into not running.
maybe I needed a change, maybe my toes needed a rest, maybe it’s maybelline.

side note 2: these thoughts were not a result of my own synapses firing, I am not that smart. I was inspired by this essay The Doctrine of Cycles by Lydia Ross, immensely fascinating, heavily recommend.

if you’re hungry for more, here’s a handy list of cycles

I’ll see you tomorrow.

today is day 241 of the year, there are 124 days remaining of 2022.

the school you went to, was it your idea?

the city you now live in?

the car you drive, the place you live, the socks you’re wearing?

how about your job, was it your idea?

if it wasn’t your idea, did you, at least, vote for it? did you have an opinion? did you fight for it?

your life is a combination of all of the choices you make,

how much of your life was your idea?

I’ll see you tomorrow.

today is day 237 of the year, there are 129 days remaining of 2022.

I am not the kind of person that says “I’m the kind of person that…”

this expression genuinely angers me with the fire of a thousand suns,
as it usually comes with a bizarre sense of pride in a shortcoming:
“oh, I’m not a math person”

with little exceptions (e.g. dyscalculia) that’s usually code for “I can’t be bothered to think and don’t want to look bad.”

note: saying “I’m not the kind of person that enjoys killing” – is perfectly acceptable, and in fact, desirable.

you could very well say, “well, I just don’t like math, I’m not good at it, I prefer using a calculator instead”

ah, well…
having a preference and being unable to do something are completely different things.

you are exactly the kind of person you want to be.

having this awareness is immensely freeing, but also bears a hefty burden of responsibility,

“I am not the kind of person that…” then becomes “I choose not to….”

I choose not to be a math person is perfectly valid, you can’t be everything.

so, what kind of a person are you?

I’ll see you tomorrow.

today is day 234 of the year, there are 132 days remaining of 2022.

I’ve spent half my life getting in trouble
and the other half getting out of it,

nothing extreme or dangerous, just different.
(I take great pride in cultivating my oddness)

I did it because it was fun,
because I wanted to challenge myself,
because I wanted to be different,
because no one told me I couldn’t,
because my home was a safe haven.

I won’t bore you with examples, just a tip.

go first.

I wish I could go back in time to tell your parents to:
let you go to camp,
trust and forgive you,
give you more privacy,
let you go your own direction,
believe in you.

but I can’t,
so I will tell you this instead.

go first.

you don’t have to ask for permission to:
say hello first,
book the tickets first,
be kind first,
take the leap first,
make the change first,
choose yourself first.

go first.

being first allows you to:
set the rules first,
reap the rewards first,
learn the lessons first,
move on to the next thing first.
be first again.

indeed, if you never try first, you’ll never fail,
you’ll also never win.

who wants to be first?

I’ll see you tomorrow.

today is day 231 of the year, there are 136 days remaining of 2022.

off the top of your head…

have you ever been through a heartbreak? was it their fault? what did they do?

has anyone else’s mistake ever caused you to lose money? was it a substantial amount? how much?

how many job applications were left unanswered? or opportunities were lost because of pure bad luck?

why do you still know this?

is this something you track?

how is this information serving you?

is it facilitating a greater learning experience? or simply feeding a grudge?

how much space would you gain if you let it go?

what would you fill it with?

I’ll see you tomorrow.

today is day 226 of the year, there are 141 days remaining of 2022.

I don’t think I’ve ever looked harder at the world than I have in the last 49 days.

I sat through many hours listening to myself think,
thoughts that never quite became words,
words that died the moment I sat at my keyboard.

I’m grateful these ones survived.

I worried that I was unexceptional so I removed myself before I could be excluded.

I felt empty, the stuffing all plucked out of me.

eventually I got tired of the numbness and self negotiation that I decided I must cast my own shadow, however small;

“you are exactly where you really want to be,” I told myself, or possibly mumbled.

“Soon enough you’ll only be ashes or bones, and a name. Perhaps not even a name. But the name a mere noise or an echo.” Marcus Aurelius

I’ve written 33 pickings in the last 49 days, and I found that this process has changed me in ways I’ve never known possible.

writing now equates in my mind with doing good in the world,
in my world,
a greener, more vibrant world,
a world that has slowed down so much, that the smallest changes are now visible,
a world in which I can connect my mind to yours, through words,
words that last longer than things.
words that last longer than me,
words that I’m yet to have written.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

today is day 222 of the year, there are 145 days remaining of 2022.