rise and grind

“how are you going to monetize that?” I gave voice to the first thought that came to mind.

“oh, you’re one of those” she said under her breath, as if I had just outed myself to a homophobe.

this micro dialogue took place 4 years ago, at a meet and greet, somewhere in London.

I hadn’t been exposed to the anti-capitalist movement to understand the “those” I was now a part of, but I smiled my smile and carried on to my next 30 second conversation.

in all fairness,
the fact that this artist chose to never show (and subsequently sell) the paintings she spent hours out of her day on, was none of my business,
I was simply wondering how she pays her bills, ’tis all.

“I don’t have a dream job since I don’t dream of labor.” is part of the discourse I see coming out of Gen Z on TikTok.

“I simply want to live my life slowly and lay down in a bed of moss with my lover and enjoy the rest of my existence reading books, creating art, and loving myself and the people in my life.”

I understand not wanting to use work as basis for identity;
I understand not wanting to work in jobs where you are overworked, underpaid and underappreciated,
I even understand working strictly out of financial necessity, with zero interest in the labor itself.

with the “great resignation” and “quiet quitting” now dominating the news cycle, I wonder if this anti-work ethos and public airing of indignation will lead to actual systemic change,
or whether we’ll simply find a way to build a bigger and better mousetrap with every coming generation.

seeing how we’ve experienced two recessions back-to-back, I can’t really blame millennials and Gen Z’ers for wanting to unsubscribe from the girlboss subscription,

I do, however, want to sound the alarm regarding a sister trend, something a little more insidious.

a rising acrimony towards discipline and goal setting.

when you finally stop to question “hustle culture” and quitting the “rat race,” you’re typically so burned out that you develop an aversion towards using any will power, regardless to what end…
you may even look down on people who are disciplined and goal oriented.

because they’re now one of those.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to spend my days as the living dead,

I have read books laying on moss beds and can tell you it’s very uncomfortable, especially when you spend more time flicking ants than flipping pages.

I’m going to prove to you that you can live a soft life and still be disciplined, if that’s something you’re into, of course.

what does a life without goals realistically look like?
hours of screen time a day, body aches from lack of movement, social and intellectual disengagement…

when I wake up at stupid o’clock to go on my runs, I carry more than my body weight, I carry my hopes and dreams, fears and failures.
I carry my discipline.

when I budget my quarterly expenses I make sure to factor in trips to faraway lands and once in a lifetime experiences,

when I sit at my keyboard, I strive to do work I find meaningful,

and herein lies the problem,
using discipline to achieve goals that are not in line with your self is taking the fast train to an identity crisis.

I rarely do things that don’t directly aid my goals in these 5 areas:
health, relationships, career & mission, finances, contribution & meaning.

goals that are consistent with my own deep inner thoughts,
goals that build on my idea of success and bring me deep inner satisfaction.

my ever-growing bucket list ensures that I squeeze the most out of my time between adolescence and menopause,
anything else is gravy.

with very clearly defined yes’s and no’s, I can always listen to my own voice.

I can say with great ease that all of my time and attention are spoken for, so please do not ask for them.
(unless both our goals overlap)

I’m doing this not because I’m a “slave to capitalism,” not for internet points or other needs of social validation.

I’m doing this for me.

I hope you’re doing this, for you too.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

today is day 273 of the year, there are 92 days remaining of 2022.