I’m doing this for me

back when time stood still, and every problem felt permanent, aka in primary school, I really struggled with math.

having a mom that excelled at physics and biochemistry certainly added to the feeling of incompetence I had already dutifully developed.

and out of the hundred theorems she’d end up explaining throughout my scholastic career, only one would eventually permeate through my very thick skull:

“you’re doing this for yourself”

this was her answer for e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. and it drove me insane,
particularly because I knew she was right.

and although I don’t get 5 when I put 2 and 2 together anymore, this one course I absolutely excel at to this day:

the “I’m doing this for me” course.

the running, the hiking, the writing, the reading, the working, the socializing – it is all for me.

and I don’t mean this in a “self-care, is not self-ish.” kind of way,
(although that’s a fair lesson to take in as well)

I mean this in a “everything you do is in service to your future self” kind of way.

“you are the result of the things you do regularly” kind of way.

“you are the fruit of the thoughts you plant” kind of way.

and yes, it includes the things you do out of empathy and genuine love for someone else.

“if it makes happy wife noises, then I’m happy” kind of way.

mind you, this is not a debate on whether psychological egoism is real, if everything we do is inherently selfish and whether true acts of altruism exist.

I’ll leave that debate to the philosophers.

tomorrow morning, when the bed is calling and you really don’t feel like waking up at 7AM to exercise, remember you’re not doing this for anyone else, but you,
and that nobody else but you can actually do it.

every act you take and thought you construct is an investment.
invest willingly.
invest wisely.
invest regularly.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

today is day 256 of the year, there are 109 days remaining of 2022.