Bianca Dămoc

I’m writing this post 4 days before the race,
sitting in an air conditioned room,
with a belly joyously full of coffee and chocolate.

it’s called carb loading, look it up, it’s what professionals do,
and I am nothing, if not a professional.

by the time you read this, I will have gained 1350m altitude in 10km (give or take a few steps) with 11 more Ks to go.

I will have tripped and fallen a couple of times,
I will have drunk enough water to put down a small fire,
for a moment, I will want to cry, but the moment will pass and there will be no tears,

but most importantly,
I will have starred in awe at the beauty of the mountains, my mountains,
my hiding place, the one spot in the world that is purely my own,
that links me to the rest of nature,

I’m writing this post 4 days before the race knowing that once I cross that finish line, I will not be the same.

I will have the same body, the same mind, the same thoughts, but 5 days from now, I will be different, a little emptier.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

today is day 218 of the year, there are 149 days remaining of 2022.

in “How to Win Friends and Influence People” Dale Carnegie said
“All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to the death, but always to victory.”

bravery means different things for different people at different times,

and while the consequence of failure doesn’t always have to mean impending death,
online embarrassment is often felt with as much intensity,
but, your mileage may vary.

thanks to the internet,
and in the spirit of “I could do that,”
there are millions of cheap seats in the world today,
filled with people that have never tried to do what you do,
but very much feel entitled to judge.

don’t take feedback from people who have not been brave with their lives,
people that hide behind their keyboard and spew negative criticism for clappies on the internet.

dance to the beat of your own drum.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

today is day 217 of the year, there are 150 days remaining of 2022.

I’ve always had an urge to test myself, to take risks, to haunt the edge of possibilities,
particularly when it comes to my body.

my legs still hold the scars I’ve earned as a 6+ year old learning to roller blade, jump spiky fences and hang upside down from trees (I have the cast to prove it)

as time went on, these impulses became more articulate;

I picked up strength training at 16, learned about and implemented paleo and keto around the same time,

as an adult I run and hike in minimalistic footwear (socks, basically)
I try out every sport that crosses my radar, at least once,
forever powered by an urge to just… move.

I don’t know precisely what percentage of nature and nurture is responsible for this side of me, but if I had to guess, I’d say that…

in a whirlwind of pure chance, I was born in an environment that provides such safety that yesterday I went for a run in the 45th hour of a 48 hour fast, just to see if I could.

and I can, barely.

to no longer feel satisfied doing what comes easily to you,
to decide on not eating for two days,
to run out of pleasure and not of necessity,
what a privilege…

the one thought running through my head in tandem with my feet yesterday was “I chose to do this, this is a choice, I want to do this”

I don’t know what I was expecting to learn out of this experience but I had the greatest reminder of all,
gratitude,

after 48 hours, 46 minutes and 41 seconds, I decided to eat, and I could.

I’ll see you tomorrow

today is day 214 of the year, there are 153 days remaining of 2022.

I don’t particularly go out of my way to read the news, the bad ones have a way of seeping into my life anyway, with or without my permission,

recently however, I’ve developed a habit of playing The Daily (New York Times) and Today Explained (Vox) podcasts during my runs,

this unrelenting heatwave is, unsurprisingly, an ample topic of conversation at the moment,
cementing strongly held believes, most of us have, that we are, indeed, fucking up this planet,

one of the people being interviewed by Vox, was this “john,” in his early 40s, from LA, living in an area that restricted him from watering his lawn for more than however many minutes a day, mkay… sounds reasonable?

“they will remove me from my house before I stop watering my lawn. I didn’t cause the heatwave, why should I have to pay for it”

I’m sorry, what?

now, I don’t have a habit of getting riled up by people holding opposing views to mine,

but clearly this aggressively mediocre, grown ass man was clinging on to unintelligence a little more stubbornly than most…

I understand that it can be difficult to accept your way of living as being unsustainable,

I understand that change is hard,

I even understand wanting to preserve your social status as an alpha male capable of holding a hose above grass for a few minutes a day,

we all want to be able to enjoy life without burden, but this is not burger king, you can’t have it your way,

things are bad,
things will continue to be bad,
but if we do the absolute bare minimum, things may be a little less bad,

I am not asking you to understand this, merely to accept it as a fact,

even now, after all the ups and downs, we are right where we started,
dangerously close to the end of the book.

it takes a lot of different people to make a world, and only one to end it.

I’ll see you tomorrow(?)

today is day 208 of the year, there are 157 days remaining of 2022.

I used to attend live marketing events quite regularly cca ~ 2019 BC (before covid)
especially in the US.

ClickFunnels, Digital Marketer, Smart Marketer…

while the content itself was valuable, it was certainly not exclusive to a physical space,
what you’d learn as an audience member one day, would have been recorded, transcribed and uploaded online before the speaker even left the stage.

much like any other niche, marketing events, conferences, masterminds and now “summits…”
are all about networking:
the next tech unicorn, the newest apps on the market, new swipe files, but most importantly…

a whirlwind of nerdy marketing strategies being exchanged with the type of intensity that only comes after the 3rd beer.

it’s lonely out here in the land of keyboards, headphones and screens,
these get togethers used to be the highlight of my professional year,

being able too meet up with clients, colleagues and fellow marketing aficionados, painted an extra dimension to my life that I deeply appreciated.

shortly after covid regulations began loosening up, I started to infuse myself in the digital nomads scene in Lisbon and Prague.

from 18 year old TikTok influencers making 6 figures a year, to american real estate agents that decided to retire after buying a vineyard in the north of spain,

no story was the same,
extraordinary people, with extraordinary personalities and extra ordinary egos.

I was holding up a mirror against my own shadow.

in Ego is the Enemy, Ryan Holiday defines ego as an “unhealthy belief in our own importance.

he also talks about “the temptation to tell ourselves a story, to round off the edges, to cut out our lucky breaks and add a certain mythology to it all.” The “arching narrative of herculean struggle for greatness against all odds.”

aren’t we so special…

I am by no means immune, writing in and of itself is an act of ego,

and while I’m out here experimenting with stoicism and gratitude instead of launching in self indulgent spirals…

what I’ve learned is this:

a healthy self confidence stems from intent and NOT abilities,

we are on track to reach 8 BILLION by the end of this year,

given similar circumstances, there are at least a million people that can do what you do,

don’t rest your worth (and your ego) in your ability to do the thing,

it’s the fuel you use to power your engine that makes you, you.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

today is day 206 of the year, there are 159 days remaining of 2022.